Understanding

I don’t want what you want- I don’t see what you see. We all look out onto the world and into one another’s hearts and minds through the tinted glasses of our own experience; through the warping lens of our desires and fears. These spectacles of our pasts sit so close to our eyes that, if we don’t pay especial care, we will never even realize that they are there. Who we are affects every aspect of our human experience- it is a universally human characteristic.

Most people seem to go through their entire lives completely unaware of these tinted shades; blinded to what they have never experienced. They assume that because they have experienced a small taste of this miasma of contradictory experiences we call life that they understand the entirety of what this world has to offer. Thus, their pain becomes others’ pains; their joy, others’ joys; and their desires, others’ desires.

This essential gift of the soul is usually called empathy- it can help us understand others on a level we might never experience otherwise. It allows us to connect with people who share a bit of our experiences. But this same gift can also be a curse.

When we become so focused on this glass before us, of our pasts, presents, and hoped-for futures, it blinds us to the true nature of the souls we brush by on our journey through this mortal coil. We blindly assume that ‘what is good for the goose is good for the gander;’ and generalize about the happiness, fears, and desires of everyone we meet along our way. And even worse, we judge them by our own measures of perceived right and wrong; cold black and white scales of an unbendable verdict.

Everyone had their own desires- their own driving force of passions and dreams; their own version of what this life should or could be. Does that make them wrong- to not see the world through your eyes? Does it make them somehow less, to not pursue the exact same path?

Would that we could all go through our lives aware of the tinted glass we see through; aware that what we see is not always what is there- giving people the benefit of all of the understanding and compassion that this most radiant of beings, the human soul, is capable of. Free of judgment, free of hatred, or disgust. Were I granted a gift beyond all gifts, this would be my wish… understanding of all, for all; a brief reprieve from the warped, colored glass through which we see the world.

For the Single People...

Relationships… the bane of any single person’s life! We want them, but we don’t have them; and then we don’t want them, but we do want them, and it’s all a great big mess, isn’t it?

I have a number of very close friends who are single, and desperately want to be non-singles; if you are like them (and Jeddie is one) I can only sympathize with you. I am one of those bizarre people who is inexplicably happy with my single life. This doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely, or that I wouldn’t like to end up happily married at some point down the road; it just means it’s not something I want in the here and now, with that desperate yearning of someone who’s more than ready to move on to the next stage in their life.

That said, there are some things I’d like to say to the single people out there. Bear in mind that I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I’ve gone on a grand total of one date. I know a LOT about being single- and not a lot (e.g. nothing!) about relationships.

I know the people who want to be in a relationship, like Jeddie, are absolutely bereft that there is this space in their lives and hearts that they are just waiting to have filled by that special someone. I have no words of wisdom on how to find that person, let alone know if they’re ‘The One’. All I can say is have hope, be patient, and live for the present.

Having hope can be the hardest thing in the world when the door keeps getting slammed in your face over and over. You like him, but he likes her. You like her, but she just doesn’t see you that way. It sucks- end of story. But it’s not the end. There is someone out there for everyone, and you just need to find them. (Romantic fairy-tale-princess-wanna-be talking here…)

Along the way, you have to be patient. This is not going to happen when you expect it; my sister Ashley has often told me that love is a funny thing, and tends to just drop out of the sky when you least expect it. She’s engaged to be married, and madly in love, so I’m going to guess she knows what she’s talking about!

Living for the present- Know that God is in control, it will happen when He wants it to happen, and in the meantime, all you can do is take a deep breath, and a good hard look in the mirror. Who are you, really? Who do you want to be, besides a spouse and parent? Are there traits you’d like to change about yourself? Habits you need to acquire, or get rid of? Now is the time to do it.

As soon as that ring is on your finger, it is no longer about you; it is about the partnership you just signed up for, which will last for all of eternity if you’re lucky. And then it’s about the kids, and the job, and the life, and all the little things that pile up until you can’t handle it any more, and you just want to explode, or just take a break, but you can’t, because this is your new life. A bit pessimistic? Maybe; but from what I’ve seen of married couples, especially with kids, not too far off from the truth.

This is the ONLY time you will get to be selfish- to make your life and priorities all about you. Take advantage of it- and more importantly, take time to enjoy it! Learn who you really are before you try to get to know someone else. If you need to change, change for yourself before you need to change for someone else’s benefit. Be you- the complicated, contradictory mess of single-and-hating-it emotions and bundle of nerves that is like no one else on the entire planet. This is your time- live it, love it, and the rest will follow.

Different opinions

I am a life-long member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints; Jeddie has told me that she classifies herself as a “Protestant non-Mormon with a fascination for the Reformed Catholic Church, not non-denominational because they are a denomination unto themselves.” (This is summarized… basically, she’s a Christian.) So from a religious standpoint, mine and Jeddie’s relationship is a bit like an anti-cliché. After all, people from pretty drastically different religions are supposed to hate each other, right? Especially the super-organized LDS faith and the, well, whatever she is, it’s not an organization!

We have very differing values- my religion discourages tattoos and more than one pairs of piercings, as a way of honoring the body as a temple. Jeddie uses her tattoo and multiple piercings as a way to decorate herself; she considers that honoring her body. Our opinions also differ in some political areas, such as abortion (a topic for a later time!) My mother has always told me never to discuss politics or religion over dinner; it never ends well. But Jeddie and I never had a problem with our differing faiths or opinions. Why? Respect.

We never really had to lay down any ground rules for this topic, or any other; our relationship was one of mutual understanding from the very beginning, and we had multiple deep religious discussions before we even talked about how okay we were that we disagreed on so many points. And even when we did talk about it, the conversation could be summed up by ‘I have my beliefs, you have yours, we disagree on a lot of stuff, but that’s ok, because I respect you and your beliefs.’ Conversation over.

Wasn’t that simple?

People disagree all the time; it’s one of those universally human facts. But seriously, that doesn’t mean you have to fight over it- or even express your disbelief in a loud, assuming way. Simply state what you believe, or don’t believe, offer an explanation if asked, and then try a novel concept- listening. I love talking to Jeddie about her faith- I’m interested in what she believes, why she believes it, and how it differs from my beliefs. I grew up in the Mormon church; I haven’t had a whole lot of exposure to other faiths. I may be a firm believer in my church, but that doesn’t make what she, or anyone else, believes somehow less valid or important.

As far as Jeddie and I are concerned, Christians are Christians. Then other faiths- well, I respect that too. Muslim girls who wear the head scarf- I applaud your bravery and dedication for expressing your beliefs in the face of so much ridicule. The same goes for my personal friends in the Mennonite community, who also dress ‘abnormally’ (according to society anyway) because of their dedication to their religion.

I believe God gave all human being free agency- the ability to choose. I respect those choices, as long as they cause no harm to anyone else, or restrict another person’s agency. Seriously- you want to blow yourself up for your beliefs? That’s fine by me, as long as you don’t hurt anyone else while you do it. Harming another person (in any way- physical, mental, or emotional,) is wrong. Restricting someone’s agency is wrong. Beyond that, if you can respect me and my faith and beliefs, I will be happy to return the favor.

-Rebecca

Introduction- Rebecca

Much thanks to Jeddie for getting us started on this!

Moving on- this is me! And Jeddie… but this one is all written by me, and so will naturally be more about me. I’m a bit… unusual is the word I generally use. A few important facts; I’m female- so expect hormonal mood swings. More specifically, I’m a 20-something year old single woman- so expect serious craziness and possible moping. I’m an artist- so expect intense drama. I’m a pessimist, and a bit of a pragmatist, but also a hopeless romantic and day-dreamer- so expect to be at least as confused as I am about how I feel about any given subject. I’m opinionated and argumentative- so expect to disagree with me on at least something I’ll end up writing. I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (people call us Mormons) - expect insider humor from the church culture (every religion has one) and possibly some comments on religious matters that you will never agree with me on. Unless you’re also a Mormon, in which case… green Jell-O with carrots- enough said!

As far as writing goes- Jeddie tends to be very social-issue oriented in her thoughts, words, and writing; I tend to be more introspective, but expect some of both from each of us. (She's also funnier than I am; sadly, I'm a bit too serious for my own good.) I also, as you can probably tell, do run on quite a bit once I get going!

Speaking of giant words like ‘introspective’- I have a large vocabulary and an online dictionary/thesaurus. I like to use them, so be prepared to possibly have to google a word’s definition. That said, my spelling sucks and my written grammar needs constant correcting by my mother- still. If you are a grammar-Nazi, please accept my apologies for anything I may say incorrectly, and then move on. It’s taken my mom 20 years to get me to this point, and I will probably never improve. (sad, but true!)

As far as what matters to me, besides what I’ve already covered… I’m a dog person; I love music and dancing; I hate driving, and my sense of direction is approximately equal to that of your average rock; I love hats and shoes; I’m an introvert- a topic that will probably comprise at least one entire posting at some point. The term is highly misunderstood by the majority of the population, including some of my fellow introverts.

I’m hoping to have a lot of fun with this, and hopefully get some thoughts out there into the world, even if no one of real importance to my life ever reads them. I’m no intellectual genius and I have my flaws, but who knows; maybe something I write will strike a chord with someone who reads it. One can only hope, right?

Au Revoir- Until we meet again.

Rebecca