Top Favorite Songs At The Moment – in no particular order (Jeddie)

Music is a huge part of my life, and oftentimes songs describe my life or impact my life greatly and I just have to share them :)

1. “Set Apart this Dream” by Flyleaf – one thing I really like about this song is that it’s in ¾ time, which is unusual for most rock songs nowadays. It also tells a story – expressing God’s love to “little girls” even though their situations may be rough. It always reminds me that my life is actually pretty great, no matter what is going on, and that I am always “worth so much more than you know.”

2. “William and Davy” by Kate Rusby – A cute song that also tells a story. It has a more folksy, intimate feel to it, without much in the way of background music, which would distract from the story. It also teaches a lesson – don’t get too carried away with your fantasies, or you’ll end up with your “bellies empty and hearts still sore!”

3. “The Maiden and the Selkie” by Heather Dale – Another story-song with a folksy feel to it. The story is adorable, and gets you super involved with the characters. The imagery is also beautiful, providing a clear image of what is going on. Also provides a lesson about true love abiding through adversity.

4. “A Different Kind of Knight” by Christian Kane – Yet another story-song, describing how, as much as sometimes we wish it, a lot of times our lives do not end up like fairy tales. This song is hauntingly beautiful and dark for a country song, again with vivid imagery. Must be followed with a more cheerful tune haha.

5. “Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not?” by Thompson Square – An upbeat and fluffy country song, with a lovely, but realistic, love story. My favorite aspect is the emphasis of marriage as the epitome of love, instead of sex like most songs. If I’m not mistaken, the song is performed by a married couple as well, making it all the more believable and rich.

6. “God Is Not A White Man” by Gungor – AMAZING song that I think more people need to hear. Too often we get mixed up in legalism and what we think God believes about politics and such and forget that he is much BIGGER than everything around us. I also like the emphasis on how God loves EVERYONE – no matter who they are, what their background is, etc.

7. “Maid of Llanwellyn” by Kate Rusby – this song is just pretty. I plan on using it as a lullaby when I have kids.

8. “The Rigs of Rye” traditional – This is a traditional Irish song and so has 5000 versions out there – my personal favorite is Niamh Parsons, but the version I own is by Fling. YET ANOTHER story-song with a great love story and vivid imagery.

9. "Straight Through My Heart" by the Backstreet Boys - Simply put, I am a huge Backstreet Boys fan. This was one of the only non-disappointing songs on their newest album This Is Us. It retains a lot of their classic sound but with enough modernity to keep it out of the nineties. I also like their harmonization, which I miss in a lot of the other songs on the album where they are trying to be rappers :( Plus, one of my dearest friends and I recently saw them in concert (which was AMAZING :D) and this was the encore. So it brings back good memories :)

10. "Li'l Red Riding Hood" by Bowling For Soup (I know not the original version, but my favorite) - This song is like just the right mix of creepiness and sweetness to make goosepimples rise on your arms. Jaret Reddick's voice is so young-sounding that it adds an edge of innocence, urging you to trust the wolf that is singing to Little Red. Red Riding Hood is one of my favorite fairytales, including a lot of its interpretations (Hoodwinked, The REAL Story, etc). This song also fits a character for a story my roommate and I are writing, which I will tell you more about if we ever get it published XD and if it is made into a movie, this song will be on the soundtrack.

11. "Star Song" by Bowling For Soup - I LOVE THIS SONG. The message of being beautiful the way we are is something that everyone needs to hear. As a Christian I know it's especially important to remember that God creates everyone the way they are for a reason, so this is a good secular song to remind me of that :)

12. "Sweet Darlin'" by She & Him - When I found out that Zooey Deschanel sang for a band I was so psyched that I had to get their album IMMEDIATELY. And I love it. The style of this song is reminiscent of the fifties and sixties, which is great because no one makes that kind of music anymore. However Deschanel's voice is perfectly suited to the style.

13. "Best Of Me" by The Letter Black - This song is such a powerful act of worship that it demands to be sung at the top of one's lungs with the windows rolled down in the car.

Relationships- Jeddie

Yay! Finally posting. It's short, but- whatever.
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It’s not that I hate change, it’s just that… well, let me start from the beginning. I don’t really like change.

I don’t get attached to places. I guess it was because I moved around so much when I was little, or that even what my family did settle down we traveled every summer. I was with a friend a while ago and we went by the place where we met and first began our friendship; we hadn’t been there in some time, and she started to cry. I had no idea why, but apparently, it was because she had missed the place itself so much, even though she was still strongly connected to the people she met there. I guess this confused me because the place itself held no substance to me - it was the people I met there.

Throughout the times I have moved and things have changed, I have stayed close to people. They are the one constant that keeps me emotionally stable and secure. I could travel and move around the rest of my life if I had to. In fact, I don’t like staying in the same place or same situation for too long. I don’t like feeling trapped. But I would absolutely loathe a life alone. I have to have someone (or multiple someones) to be with me- to keep me strong, and to guide me.

Becca has told me I remind her of a butterfly- very beautiful, but with no solid direction in life. (She assures me that direction isn’t all that important when you can bring joy to other people.) The people I spend time with give me a much-needed anchor from which to build my life.

So- on to why I hate change. I hate losing people, or seeming to lose them. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the change I hate is when my relationships to people change. I take it very hard when someone seems to grow distant. I start wondering all kinds of things – blaming myself, what did I do wrong, is there any way I can fix it? Even though it may just be a natural part of life, with no one to blame except life itself, I still take it very personally. I’m terrified when things change so that my position in the hearts of people I care about grows smaller. I hold people very close. I need them, and can’t do without at least one person who can always be there for me.

So, this is a bit of a ramble, but I guess what I need to say is I could travel the world over, live in any situation, but I couldn’t do it alone. I would need someone with me at all times, to share the experience with. Someone to come home to. Or someone to come home to me.

I realize reading over this that I sound like just a needy…. Girl. But no, I don’t need people all the time, on a physical level, holding my hand every step of the way. I just need what everyone else needs- to know that I am loved, unconditionally, permanently. Give me that, and I think I could handle anything.

A Brilliant Soul (Rebecca)

I read in my art history class that Michelangelo was once described as having a brilliant soul- of being able to achieve a sense of intense euphoric joy and a near-frenzy of creative passion, during which he was incredibly prolific in his artistic endeavors. These episodes of intense creativity were nearly always followed by a slump of deep, bottomless depression, however.

On a slightly related subject, in my Psychology class I read a quote saying that every brilliant mind, every innovative genius that we hold in the highest regard would likely never pass a psychological exam.

While these comments may seem quite random, I do have a purpose in referencing them – because, you see, I relate to this description of Michelangelo’s ‘brilliant soul’ in a very personal way. The idea of reaching that intense creative and inspirational high, often followed by a dark depressive slump is one I have experienced in great detail.

Many people who do not know me well have referred to me as an ‘ice queen’ – reserved, quiet, nearly unemotional, and socially cool and distant to a fault. To the contrary- I am a highly volatile person, who underneath the façade of control is a virtual power-house of emotions. Those who know me perhaps a bit too well have occasionally expressed concern about the wide range and intensity of my emotions; that it might not be entirely healthy for me to live on this ‘roller-coaster ride’ of emotional experiences.

This blog is supposed to be about saying things that I wouldn’t ordinarily tell people to their faces, so I’m going to do just that.

First of all- I don’t think I’m crazy. Yes, I’m highly emotional. Yes, I’m very volatile, and I tend to overreact to emotionally charged situations. No, I don’t see this as a bad thing.

I spent a good portion of my teen years suppressing my emotions; carefully building that mask that people see- the one that makes them think I’m a very calm, rational person all of the time. (I am some of the time… but not always when you think I am.) I was under the impression that it wasn’t okay for me to be angry; it wasn’t okay for me to feel pain; for me to be lonely, or to experience any kind of negative emotion. Why? Because it wasn’t socially acceptable to express those emotions.

My impression was –and to a point still is- that it is simply not considered acceptable in my family for you to look at someone, inform them you are angry, or sad, etc. etc. without giving them a reason. If there is no logical reason, then there is something ‘wrong’ with that emotion. Its ‘stupid’, or ‘ridiculous’, and essentially a complete and utter waste of time. To a point, this is true in most of society – it’s part of the stereotypical ‘girl’ that drives men crazy. She’s a constant roller-coaster of illogical emotion, driving everyone around her completely batty. If you feel something, society tells us, there must be a reason- however obscure it may be.

So, long story short- I started locking my emotions away, safely out of sight. There’s only one thing wrong with that- I have discovered from my own experience that emotions are all interconnected. You cannot suppress your anger, fear, and sorrow without also suppressing your joy, contentedness, and love. You have to be able to experience that darkness in order to understand the light.

So in the recent years, I started to embrace it- the good, the bad, all together. And yeah, the ride gets crazy sometimes and I almost wish I could just shut it off and go back to locking everything away in a box. But it wouldn’t be worth it- not by a long shot.

Emotion is at the root of my best creativity. Even my darkest moments can –and have- been used to create something at one point or another. There is a sort of beauty that few people (if any- I may just be the only one) can see in the darkness of despair or the explosiveness of anger. The sheer intensity of these feelings can inspire and evoke wondrous creativity in their outlet. Emotions are incredibly powerful. Do they need to be controlled, so that they don’t overcome your entire life? Yes, of course. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t accept them, embrace them, and learn to see them for what they can become.

I am not the happy, bubbly, sunshine-and-daisies kind of person who is always uplifting and inspiring. I am the fire and ice, steel and roses kind of person who is a veritable nightmare to try and understand at any given moment. And you know what? That’s who I am, and I have no intention of changing any time soon. This contradictory, both radiant and despondent, illuminated darkness (yes, this is an oxymoron), sheer experience that I get to see, touch, and taste every moment of every day is one heck of a ride. It drives my parents crazy, my sisters nuts, and few of my friends do –or even want to try to- understand it in any measure. But it’s what makes me myself, and if I tried to shut it off, diagnose it and medicate it away for some reason, I would lose something that shapes my very existence.

I am an artist, a dreamer, and a brilliant soul. I am capable of experiencing the greatest of joy, with all of the exquisite radiance of hope and love that the human mind is capable of comprehending; and then turning around and tasting the dark, bitter intensity of the deepest shadowy bleakness; occasionally all in the same day. And yes, maybe I do dance on the knife’s edge of madness- but I seem to have great company.

This is who I am - and I will not change for you or anyone else.

Battle of the Sexes- Rebecca

This topic may turn into a bit of a rant, so please- bear with me!

I study people - everyone I spend time with, converse with, or even see in passing gets subtly analyzed in terms of personality, character traits, (etc. etc.) and one of the things that has really started to bother me in the past two years or so is this continual war of words between the guys I know and the girls.

It’s not direct- statements are aimed at ‘girls’ (e.g. girls are so manipulative!) or at ‘guys’ (guys are so insensitive!). No one goes at it directly, no one even usually opposes the other side’s opinions beyond making a statement that points out the other side’s flaws. I was going to stay out of this indirect cold war of relationship warfare, but I’d like to just get out here and say some things, for the record.

First of all, for the guys- yes; girls tend to be very manipulative in order to get what they want. We do it to each other; we do it to you. We fight the way we love- on a very mental and emotional level; our brains are hard-wired for it, and turning it off isn’t nearly as easy as you might think. Going along with this- yes, girls are stupid and emotional. We’re girls, ok? We’re stupid about these kinds of things- we cry, we get hysterical, and we can hold a grudge even longer than you can, and that’s saying something.

And the big one I’ve been hearing a lot- girls ‘lie’, or don’t tell the straight-up truth. Ok, guys- I know that it’s in your nature to say exactly what you think and how you feel about any given subject. We literally cannot do that; if a girl comes out and says exactly what she thinks, she’s a shrew. If she comes to her friends, even, and says she even likes a guy, she risks either being ostracized or just starting world war three. So we learn from a very early age to play this game of not saying exactly what’s on our minds, of edging around a topic, of saying what we mean in forty different ways in order to avoid making anyone angry or hurting anyone’s feelings.

We do this with you, believe it or not, a lot of times because we care. The much hated ‘friend zone’ is often used so that we can say ‘I’m just not interested’ without making you think we’re saying ‘you’re a terrible guy- there is some awful, unforgivable flaw that makes you completely unacceptable as a potential companion.’ I mean really- how would you feel if a girl just said ‘no- I’m not interested; and I don’t even want to be friends with you, because that would just be too weird.’

How horrible would that be???

Now, to the other side. Girls, give the poor guys a break, would you? They honestly don’t get it- they can’t understand when you dance around the topic and think you’re being so obvious they must understand, right? Wrong. All they see is a girl, being a girl, and they generally misread every ‘obvious’ cue you give them and end up just making a fool out of themselves in your eyes, just for trying.

It’s a no-win situation, and the good guys all get burned. Please, girls- just be direct, and don’t play games. Guys are physically and mentally tough by nature, in a way that few girls will understand. They can take a beating every which way except emotionally. Break a girl’s heart and she’ll go out, eat chocolate, and then be generally okay in a fairly short amount of time, unless you really did a number on her. Break a guy’s heart, and from my experience, you just crushed his entire world.

It’s not a bad thing, either- it’s that soft, sensitive side we girls keep asking for- and then when we get it, we rip it apart because we expect them to be able to take as much of an emotional beating as we do. I honestly don’t think they can- it’s just not in their nature, or anyone else’s for that matter.

Girls learn to be emotionally tough from all of the backbiting and feuding we do from the time we start making friends. We form emotional callouses over our feelings, we build walls, and then we expect these poor guys to scale these walls, break through every barrier we’ve spent the last decade constructing, all while we’re virtually attacking them trying to keep ourselves safe. And in order to fulfill this dream of ours, they open themselves up for that attack- and very few of them have those experience-hardened callouses without turning as cold towards us as we sometimes are towards them.

So, yes- be direct, but don’t break his heart! They expect a complete contradiction… just like we expect a complete contradiction from them- be sensitive, but be strong enough to take everything we’re going to dump on their heads.

How is that fair, for anyone involved? It’s not; it’s not fair to the guys, it’s not fair to the girls. And you know what? It’s not likely to change any time soon. So let it go. Seriously- stop dissing on the people of the opposite sex. Girls are not evil, and guys are not stupid. We just are, exactly the way we were made at the beginning of time. We misunderstand each other; we spend our whole lived just trying to find a way to effectively communicate only to fail 80% of the time. It’s hard, and it’s painful, and it seems like it’s never going to get better. But that’s no reason to be bitter towards an entire half of the human race.

Let it go, guys and girls- be nice, don’t let past heartbreak define your future, and keep trying if you can; because from what I hear, eventually it’s worth it.

-Rebecca